And Then You Wait

I guess they call it the dreaded two week waiting period. You've ovulated, now you're waiting to see if you get your period. I would say I wasn't extremely hopeful that the artificial insemination was going to work. They say you can try up to 7 times before you have to try more specialized fertility treatments.

We went to New York for the weekend. I didn't drink, just in case. I'm a big believer in no alcohol whatsoever during pregnancy and if you're trying to conceive why would you play around with alcohol if there's a chance you're pregnant. People do it, I'm judgemental, oh well. 

While we were in NY we went to Macy's to see the Christmas decorations. While we were there we wrote Santa a little message and put it in the mailbox so it could be sent to the North Pole. 

Around the time my period was supposed to start I had some pelvic cramping and my nipples felt tender, but I was just listening to my body extra closely and noticing PMS symptoms.  

On the day I was supposed to get my period I went to a yoga class and thought it was really unusual that after savasana, I usually roll to my right side, but that day I felt like switching it up and rolled to my left. The teacher prompted everyone to roll to their left if they were pregnant. That surprised me because I've never heard her say that. Why today? Could it have been a sign from the universe? 

I like to hold out on surprises and not spoil them earlier than I need to. I'm sure a part of me didn't want to take the early pregnancy test and be disappointed. I waited two days after my expected period date before testing. Even then I didn't want to, but Jose on the other hand can't wait for surprises. 

I peed and went about brushing my teeth. I was in too much suspense and didn't even want to look at the test. Jose came in and asked me what the answer was and I told him I couldn't look. He looked and it was a yes. He was so happy and teary eyed. I was in disbelief and very happy. 

Unconventional Conception

Gosh we've been trying to make a baby for 18 months and it just wasn't happening. We finally went to an infertility consultation at Circle of Life Womens Center. Everything checked out fine with us. Our options were to do a follicle check and possible artificial insemination. I went in November and sure enough right on schedule I had a follicle ready to burst in a few days. I could've tried intrauterine insemination, but Jose was out of town. We tried again in December and in the doctor's words I had a "juicy follicle." We were scheduled the day before Jose's birthday to go in and do artificial insemination. It was more emotional than had I ever imagined it would be. Exciting, scary, and so much more. Modern medicine is cool. We did one final follicle check and you could see the shriveled water sack, meaning the egg was released, so they gave Jose the go-ahead to do his thing.

The insemination part was borderline traumatic. The doctor mentioned that it's a quick, easy process, but not for us, of course. She was really struggling to get the catheter past my cervix and had to keep leaving the room for more tools. When I get really nervous I laugh, this time was no different. I seriously started laughing hysterically. The doctor already looked frustrated, my laughing and the flopping forceps didn't make it any easier. She told me I needed to try harder to stop moving. Jose was getting mad at me to for laughing like a maniac during something so serious. She finally did what she could and called it good. From what Jose could see it didn't look like she got it in because the tube came out bent. Her instructions to us were next steps as if she knew it wasn't going work. She wrote me a prescription for Clomid, which I wasn't even sure I wanted to take. I don't know if I want to deal with the side effects of mood swings or the possibility of multiples.

I had to lay with a wedge under my back for 20 minutes. Laying there with my fingers in a yoni fertility mudra I started crying. Crying because I was meditating on all of the women who love me and visualized them sending me positive energy. Crying because I felt fear and anger that this may be a reoccuring procedure that hurts and costs money. Life is not fair, people don't want babies and accidently get pregnant. People who want babies can't have them. I know there's no real answer, but my mind wandered to darker thinking like maybe we're not supposed to have kids, that's why it's not working. I guess that can't be true though, if there's a will, there's a way and everyone on this earth is here for a reason, whether I like it or not.

Jose was really nice and gave me a pep talk on the way home that if it doesn't work we'll keep trying. If it doesn't work we'll be okay because we have each other.

Technology is cool. That's a follicle with an egg in my left ovary. 

I'm so lucky to have friends that care enough to send me sweet messages.

Apparently organic pineapple is supposed to make your uterus sticky.

Our experience.