One-on-One Time

Yesterday was a fun day. My mom asked to watch Niko so they could have some bonding time. I dropped him off in the morning and picked up my grandpo, to come to the senior center with me. Che stayed with Jose and got all of the attention, something that doesn't happen much for him anymore. 

Here are set of photos from 3 different perspectives. 

Gramps

On the way in we grabbed McDonald's breakfast that we ate together in my office. Then, he was off to workout. After working out he had a donut and coffee in the dining room while meeting new people. He hit the treadmill one more time. I popped a bag of popcorn that he really enjoyed. My hopes are that we can continue this routine, I drop the kids off to my mom and pick him up. 

Niko

He got to spend the day with grandma. I gush about Niko all day so I"ll save it, but here are a few pics from his day. 

Kickin'

Che

They went to eat tacos, got haircuts and played in the tub. 

Gender Reveal

We found out the gender of our baby at 21 weeks. We were sure it was a girl, we even had her name picked out. As soon as the ultrasound tech put the wand up to my belly we saw. She asked us if we could tell what it is, but I told her no because I wanted to be sure what I was seeing; I had to hear the words come from her mouth. It's a boy. Tears ran down my eyes seeing our little guy up on the screen. 

It looks like he has Jose's nose and hairline. 

I didn't feel him move until 21-22 weeks because my placenta was in front. I think seeing him on screen and knowing his gender made it more real, so feeling him was easier. 

That night we went to tell our families. I made these scratch off lottery cards. The idea was cute, but it was a struggle for both families to understand what we were trying to tell them. Either way it was fun to share the news with everyone. 

Telling

We found out two days before Christmas and Jose was very excited to tell his family.  I on the other hand was more reserved. I didn't mind telling his parents, but I didn't really want to announce it to 50 people at Christmas. My fear was that what if it doesn't work out, I was only 4 weeks, way too early to shout it out. I read up on different opinions and there is a different view that if you do miscarry you have that many more people in your support system if you share the news. I imagined us telling everyone at his parents' for Christmas, recording it and it going well, but I backed out last minute. I felt bad because I could see how happy and excited he was to share the news, but I just wasn't ready. 

We didn't wait much longer and ended up telling both of our parents on New Years. I wanted to keep it small, but there were several aunts, uncles, cousins and a brother from church that also heard our news. Oh well I can't have it all. 

I seriously hate unnecessary attention and answering people's questions. I know that people are curious because they love us and care, but I didn't deal exceptionally well with sharing the news. At Jose's aunt's I was kind of detached and ended up being bratty to Jose because I was overstimulated and overwhelmed. 

I was nervous to tell my parents, but they genuinely seemed happy and excited which made me feel good. My mom was sick so I know our timing wasn't great, but I wanted them to know soon since we had already told Jose's family. 

Since then, telling people has been stressful for me. My mom wanted to know when she could shout it to the world and I told her she could tell her close friends, but that I was not ok with her blasting it on Facebook to fake friends until after we had a doctor's appointment. She respected my wishes. Again, I understand people are just happy and want to share the news. Maybe I'm too uptight. I just like control. 

After our 8 week midwife appointment my mom and father-in-law put it on FB. I braced myself for it and felt such anxiety checking peoples' comments. Everything was so nice and loving that it did make me feel more at ease. 

Even to this day at 18 weeks I'm still not cool telling people. At work people are starting to notice and chismear, but I don't want to come out and talk about it. I can't hide it for much longer, but don't expect me to shout it down the halls. If they want to know, the awkwardness can be on them and they can gamble the ask whether I'm pregnant or fat. 

Am I crazy? It just feels so personal to me and I don't know how to share the news. All responses I've received from people have been so loving. I think I'm just scared of feeling my feelings. 

In both families we gave something to our mothers. This is what my mom got. 

For Jose's mom we wrapped up a baby outfit she gave us at my graduation party and returned it to her with coming in August 2015. 

And Then You Wait

I guess they call it the dreaded two week waiting period. You've ovulated, now you're waiting to see if you get your period. I would say I wasn't extremely hopeful that the artificial insemination was going to work. They say you can try up to 7 times before you have to try more specialized fertility treatments.

We went to New York for the weekend. I didn't drink, just in case. I'm a big believer in no alcohol whatsoever during pregnancy and if you're trying to conceive why would you play around with alcohol if there's a chance you're pregnant. People do it, I'm judgemental, oh well. 

While we were in NY we went to Macy's to see the Christmas decorations. While we were there we wrote Santa a little message and put it in the mailbox so it could be sent to the North Pole. 

Around the time my period was supposed to start I had some pelvic cramping and my nipples felt tender, but I was just listening to my body extra closely and noticing PMS symptoms.  

On the day I was supposed to get my period I went to a yoga class and thought it was really unusual that after savasana, I usually roll to my right side, but that day I felt like switching it up and rolled to my left. The teacher prompted everyone to roll to their left if they were pregnant. That surprised me because I've never heard her say that. Why today? Could it have been a sign from the universe? 

I like to hold out on surprises and not spoil them earlier than I need to. I'm sure a part of me didn't want to take the early pregnancy test and be disappointed. I waited two days after my expected period date before testing. Even then I didn't want to, but Jose on the other hand can't wait for surprises. 

I peed and went about brushing my teeth. I was in too much suspense and didn't even want to look at the test. Jose came in and asked me what the answer was and I told him I couldn't look. He looked and it was a yes. He was so happy and teary eyed. I was in disbelief and very happy. 

NYC Trip

We've had to opportunity to go to New York on the back burner. I thought it would be fun to go see the Christmas decorations, so my cousin Tiffany hooked us up with JetBlue tickets and we were off on the red eye flight. JetBlue is by far my favorite airline. Upon boarding they gave us eye masks and earplugs. You also get unlimited drinks and snacks. The crew was always friendly too.

I've been wanting to try Airbnb for a place to stay, especially since I wanted this to be cheap trip and hotels in Manhattan are expensive. We got to NY around 9:30 AM. I reached out to a few hosts. One sounded really amazing, but we couldn't check in until 4 PM. We didn't want to carry our bags around so we went with another lady's place. It sucked. It was weird and the bathroom and kitchen area had 5 cats and stinky litter. Our room was dark and warm, so at least we slept okay. One good thing about the place was it was in a gret location, close to the subway and bus lines. 

We visited Times Square, Radio City, Rockefeller Center. We walked so much because we kept going in the wrong direction and had to backtrack a block or two. Our legs were throbbing; I loved it. 

We rode the subway a few times, but prefered buses so we could be above ground and see more of the city. We visited the American Museum of Natural History and watched the ice skaters in Central Park. We would've ice skated, but it was pricey, cold, and there was a long line. 

 It's interestng what people have to do to keep their bumpers from getting bumped. Parallel parking is no joke in this city. 

Every corner has dog piss on it. 

From East to West Coast we spent a night in Long Beach, CA. It was funny how we got used to public transportation and walking. We wanted to walk to our hotel, but it wasn't close enough. We missed the bus by a few minutes so we ended up taking a cab. The next morning we took a bus back to the airport. 

Thanksgiving '14

I'll admit I was nervous for this Thanksgiving. I was making up in my head that it would be awkward and people would be judging me. It was nothing like that, it was actually really good. 

During my yoga practice on Wednesday the instructor made it really fun by giving silly names to the poses like the crescent roll, turkey pose and stirring the mashed potatoes. During savasana she had us send energy to someone we cared about, but wouldn't be able to be at our Thanksgiving table, perhaps due to distance physically or because of family dysfunction. I could relate. She also had us send energy to a loved one who was no longer with us. I thought of my Grandpo Perea and missed him dearly. To me it seems like a weird coincidence, but during dinner everyone was laughing at memories of Chon Perea. I love that we were able to share about the man who made our family possible. 

We didn't do our traditional going around the table and saying what we're thankful for because some people ran off and didn't want to participate. It's not my favorite thing, you're vulnerable, but I do see it's value. My mom sent out a message a few days later saying what she was thankful for. I went next, "I'm thankful that you all love me. It's such a good feeling to know that I have people that really care about me. Second, I'm thankful for my yoga practice. It's easy to spend too much time being angry about the past and anxious about the future. I hope to continue learning to breathe & enjoy each present moment because that's the only moment that really matters, especially when it's spent with my family." I wish everyone else would've participated, but that's okay.

It blows mind to think of where I'm at this year compared to last year, or even compared to last week. It's hard, but good. I have to keep growing and sending out love and accepting love.

My Kind of Sunday

I could not have asked for a better Sunday. I woke up and jetted off to soulful power yoga. When I came home, Jose was still asleep so I snuck back into bed for a warm nap. Waking up hungry I reheated some barbacoa, fried up some potatoes with a side of eggs and warm hot cocoa. We ate and discussed what we wanted to do for the day. My only request was that we didn't spend all day in front of the TV. 

I got tricked into another nap. We woke up hungry again and hopped on the Pizza Hut app. My phone beeped that it was dying so we thought the charging cord had a short, but realized that the power was out and it stayed out for hours. 

To keep warm we snuggled up, ate our pizza and watched Burt's Buzz, a documentary about the Burt's Bees company. After we  exhausted the charge on the laptop and phone we showered by candlelight and headed off to wander the aisles of Walmart. 

By the time we got home the power was back, but none of our Sunday shows recorded so we busted out a puzzle we got last Christmas. The 750 pieces make up Times Square in New York. Our goal is to have it completed before our NY trip. 

To entertain myself in the dark I played with my camera to take a few shots of this new art piece I bought during Small Business Saturday. The artist is Vanessa Colunga.