Let the Holiday Drama Begin & End Quickly

I've been going to this postpartum support group, which I don't think is the right fit for me. I like hanging out with the ladies, but my time would be better spent at home with my family. I don't feel like I'm suffering from anything postpartum. I went because I thought maybe I would need to cope with my c-section and returning back to work, but I am doing fine with both of those things.

At last night's meeting we went over ways to cope during the holidays. Good thing because the drama has already begun. Seriously, sometimes I wonder how everyone feels so comfortable talking to my mom and how she's so nice to everyone, but when it comes to her kids she is a very manipulative communicator and doesn't respect when you ask her to keep things private. 

In November I decided that I wouldn't be going to my parents' house for Christmas because Jose isn't allowed to come. I wrote myself a note in my phone with my reasoning because I knew eventually I'd have to tell my mom and the guilt would kill me. I was hoping that somehow I'd be able to last minute tell her, "sorry, can't make it," but of course she plans things in advance and I didn't want to leave her hanging if she asked me to bring something. 

This morning she sent out a group message on Facebook asking who would like to participate in a gift exchange on Christmas morning. I wrote her in a separate message saying, "count me out." I have a new baby and a new little family that I want to nourish and grow. I let her know that we wouldn't be coming on Christmas morning because I want to start my own traditions with my family and splitting us up is not a tradition I want for my son. I can just imagine how fucked up it would be to take my son and leave my husband alone on Christmas. I've chosen my family over him too many times and I won't do it anymore. It's not nice, it's not fair. 

I had a moment of hope that she'd understand, but of course not. She wrote me back several nasty messages, like always, saying she's done the best she can and it's not ever good enough and that she'll be out of my life forever and wants nothing to do with us. She lays on the guilt really heavy. Then she sent a group message out with capital letters saying that all Christmas plans are canceled. 

I didn't even reply back because I'm not having a keyboard war with her. I stand firm with my decision. I was thinking today how uncomfortable Christmas was last year and I don't need to feel that again. People don't realize that you're not the same person you were yesterday or one or two years ago. I'm a different, better person and this is my life. I don't want to spend it doing things out of obligation or guilt. 

Thanksgiving '14

I'll admit I was nervous for this Thanksgiving. I was making up in my head that it would be awkward and people would be judging me. It was nothing like that, it was actually really good. 

During my yoga practice on Wednesday the instructor made it really fun by giving silly names to the poses like the crescent roll, turkey pose and stirring the mashed potatoes. During savasana she had us send energy to someone we cared about, but wouldn't be able to be at our Thanksgiving table, perhaps due to distance physically or because of family dysfunction. I could relate. She also had us send energy to a loved one who was no longer with us. I thought of my Grandpo Perea and missed him dearly. To me it seems like a weird coincidence, but during dinner everyone was laughing at memories of Chon Perea. I love that we were able to share about the man who made our family possible. 

We didn't do our traditional going around the table and saying what we're thankful for because some people ran off and didn't want to participate. It's not my favorite thing, you're vulnerable, but I do see it's value. My mom sent out a message a few days later saying what she was thankful for. I went next, "I'm thankful that you all love me. It's such a good feeling to know that I have people that really care about me. Second, I'm thankful for my yoga practice. It's easy to spend too much time being angry about the past and anxious about the future. I hope to continue learning to breathe & enjoy each present moment because that's the only moment that really matters, especially when it's spent with my family." I wish everyone else would've participated, but that's okay.

It blows mind to think of where I'm at this year compared to last year, or even compared to last week. It's hard, but good. I have to keep growing and sending out love and accepting love.

My Valentine

This Valentine's Day was extra exciting because I hadn't seen my husband in over a week and I got to fly out and meet him in California. I was nervous and excited, full of butterflies as I got off of the plane and searched for him. 

We had lunch in the sunshine

and I played love songs for him. 

New Year: 2014

This new years eve we made a soft confirmation to go to a friend's house party, but Jose and I were in bad shape. Him with a cyst on his tonsil and me with a cold. We showered and started getting ready, but laid down and it was highly likely that neither of us were going to get up. Then Kenny called with enough motivation to get us going. We had a mild night of drinking and playing Catch Phrase. It was quite fun and a low key way to say goodbye to 2013 with friends. 

My one resolution is to set better boundaries and stick to them. I'm too much of a people pleaser and often times give in to what others want while sacrificing myself. I can't do it anymore. I'm looking forward to an amazing year of strength, love and connection. 

Christmas 2013

Not sure why it’s been taking me so long to post about Christmas, because it was really, really good. That's saying something for me because I'm pretty aloof when it comes to Christmas. I had a joyful time hanging out with so much family.

Christmas Eve was a little different  this year. We didn't have dinner at the Vigil’s and my mother-in-law didn't make tamales. This year she made chile rellenos and they were delicious. We tried told hold out until midnight to open presents, but the older adults were getting tired. The party was bigger than usual with Tia Ruth, Tia Maria, Bobby and Gaby plus all the kids. We were missing David, Aaron, Susie and her family. We had a lot of fun and are grateful for the nice gifts we received.

Me and my Christmas love

Angelina, Janeece, & Tio Carlos

Jose, Chino & Bobby

Audrey, Janeece, & Jr. 

Anthony did so good socializing this Christmas. 

Me, Stela, Gaby, & Angelina

 Janeece & Papi

We sent a shout out video to family that wasn't able to make it and they sent one back. I think it’s really neat that even though so many of the Angulo siblings are split up in different states & countries everyone gathered where they could, in Syracuse, West Valley, Las Vegas, and Mira Loma. 

Christmas day wasn't our traditional Christmas breakfast and presents. Instead my parents hosted an early dinner of posole. It was our usual family dinner with Nene, Sophee, Aunt Diana, Kiki and his family. It was nice to have my Uncle Tommy, Aunt Selma, Marcelo, Stephanie, & James join us too. After dinner we played Catch Phrase, Jenga, and Smart Ass, it was a lot of fun.

                                                           

                                                           

My dad’s family in Mexico posted some really  nice pictures that I wanted to add to this post because I miss them and wish we weren't so far apart. 

My aunts and cousins

Sarai and my little cousins

All of my dad's sisters

Gabi and Chonito

Thanksgiving 2013

I scheduled a few days off for Thanksgiving because we were planning on taking a trip to California. It didn't pan out so we stayed here. I'm glad we were around because it was nice to be able to visit both of my families and enjoy some amazing food and company. 

At my mom's house of course we had to go around and tell what we were thankful for. It's not my favorite, but this year I felt prepared to give gratitude for my marriage, husband, and job. I love the support system I have and I'm grateful for everyone who was at the table. Individually we've all been through some tough things this year, from divorce to death. It's comforting knowing that you're not alone and there are people that love you. Not only are we there to support each other in the down times, but we enjoy celebrating together too. There is so much to be grateful for but I would choose love as my number one. 

Perea Vigil Family

Angulo Negrete Family

A Come Together Fourth

We had no plans for the fourth. I had the day off and Jose worked. I slept in and it was glorious. I set out to find some Independence Day sales, but had little luck. Throughout the day I started feeling really lonely as I realized that a lot of what I do, I do by myself. I love alone time, but for some reason on a holiday I expected to be surrounded by friends and family. My dad joked that if they had a BBQ I wasn't invited because I was out of the circle for pissing my mom off. That's fine I guess, I would've shown up anyway, but they didn't have any shindig that I'm aware of. 

Jose got off work at a decent hour, 2:00 PM, rather than the usual 9:00 PM, so he went to a co-worker's BBQ, while I finished up my shopping. I just want to note that I am proud of him for thinking ahead and getting ride because he knew he'd be drinking. His friend's family is from Honduras so they had some authentic food that he said was amazing. 

We met up and headed to my cousin Stephanie's house to watch fireworks. She lives way high up on the mountain side so you can see all of the fireworks in the valley, plus they had some of their own. I remember when we were little Steph's family would come to my house and we would celebrate the 4th together, so it was nice to bring our new families together and relive and old tradition. 

It's such a small world(Apostolic world), as we sat around the table talking with Stephanie's husband and his parents. Marcelo told my husband that he remembers him from when they were little and used to go to the same church in California. Jose's family moved here first, then two years later Marcelo's family moved to Utah only to show up at church seeing some familiar faces that they used to congregate with. 

Steph and Marcelo have the cutest two month old, James. I just want to hug him forever. With no plans I'd say we had a pretty nice, relaxing fourth. 

This last picture is of my niece and nephew wearing the shirts we got them in Florida. 

Father's Day & Zak's Birthday

I'm a little behind on getting this one up, but I couldn't skip a post about this day because I have some great photos that I want be able to reminisce about some day. We spent the afternoon visiting with my in-laws then ended off the evening at Zak's birthday party. 

New motorcycle boots

Trying on his new boots

Sunglasses

Father & Son

Picking Cherries

Jose trying to ride a Unicycle(long video)

Love, love family dinners with the regular crew. This time it was at Randy's house for Zak's 8th birthday. 

My dad and Sophie

Grama

Madison

I didn't get my dad anything this father's day because spending time with him is better than any gift. I love that man.