House Hunting

This past winter we loosely talked about buying a different home in the summer. One day I was feeling really overwhelmed and powerless having my privacy and lifestyle criticized yet again by family. It made me want to run away. While driving to work, listening to X96 Radio From Hell there was an ad about Newdwello having grant specialists who can help you find money for a down payment. I looked into it and was contacted by a man named Sterling. 

Although we don't qualify for any grants Sterling has been a great help. We went from not really looking for a home to placing an offer on an amazing home with a breathtaking view. Our offer was accepted, we received financing, paid the down payment, and signed the papers only to find out the owner's deceased wife's children placed a lien on the property. We ultimately declined to continue with that home. It is a beautiful home in the perfect location, but logically we were biting off what we could chew, but could possibly choke on. The yard may have been too much work for us and I didn't want to cut back on eating out and living comfortably. If it was supposed to work out then it would have. We believe in recognizing signs that guide us. It's all about making smart choices and this home would not have been the smartest choice for us.

We did get a family picture after going to closing and signing.

We've continued looking for houses but we have some specifics that make it challenging. It's a sellers market, inventory is scarce. There aren't enough houses on the market for as many buyers that are out there.

What I love most about our current home is the location. We're in Ogden, but tucked away on the west side. It's close to the river and trails, the freeway, lots of local eats and entertainment and I have an easy drive to drop the baby off at my mom's. 

What we don't love about our place is that we don't have a dish washer and only one bathroom. We'd really like an attached 2 car garage. We don't want to do the old fixer-upper house again. It's a lot of work and money and we're tired. 

The dilemma is I want have to be in Ogden. My favorite activities and groups are in Ogden, like Yogis of Ogden and the O-Town Babywearers. I need the beautiful mountains and quick access to trails. I want to raise my child(ren) in Ogden so they can develop a strong sense of community involvement. Ogden is more diverse than the surrounding areas. It's not California diverse, but my children will be exposed to other cultures and religions as opposed to if we moved to a Davis County suburb(I REFUSE). 

The type of house we want and the lifestyle we want conflict. Ogden is made up of old homes. Many of them have been renovated inside so they're gorgeous, but the whole garage thing, they're all detached and rarely fit two cars. We're looking for 4 or 5 bedrooms because we want a whole tribe of children. We're okay settling for 3 bedrooms and possibly moving later. Here's what I'm thinking, if I can convince my husband that a detached garage is something we can work with, could we settle for a lovely Ogden home tucked on the side of the mountain with trees and a view? The downside is we'd have to carry shit a little further and maybe run from house to car in the rain. I think we'll live. 

Our agent tells me to be patient. We'll find a home that aligns with us. 

Dancing

Laughter, song, and dance create emotional & spiritual connection; they remind us of the one thing that truly matters when we are searching for comfort, celebration, inspiration, or healing: We are not alone. -Brené Brown

We were raised in this religion that preaches dancing is bad, but that quote up there says it all. It brings connection between partners, friends, and even strangers. Is that really so bad? 

We did more dancing this week than usual. We went to The Black Keys Concert on Wednesday and to a Mexican dance club on Saturday. It was fun, and that's all that matters. 

Baby Dedications

According to my understanding, it is customary in the Apostolic Assembly to dedicate babies to God, because they are his children. He has chosen the parents to raise his child and teach them the ways of the Lord, but they are borrowed and can be called home at any time.

A prayer of gratitude is done to thank God for such a gift and a prayer of protection over the child and parents. Sometimes they include the grandparents or godparents. Of the few things I still believe in, this ritual is okay. I'm all about showing gratitude, no matter what my beliefs are, so of course I was there in support of my family because I love these little guys.

Since it's Friday I thought I'd throw in a #flashbackfriday photo of my dedication. You can see my grandpo, Uncle Tommy, my Aunt/Godmother Diana, my mom, me, and my dad. It's been speculated that my brother was never dedicated so maybe that's why he's had such a hard time. Possible nonsense.

Okay, enough of my opinions, here are pictures from Kaleb & James's dedication.

Grateful For My Rights

It's crazy to think there was a time when women weren't consider equal to men when it came to voting. I'm grateful to be a Chicana who uses her right to vote. 

I voted today for many reasons, number one being that it's a privilege that not everyone has. I have friends and family who are very involved in furthering their education, uplifting their community and building a strong future for their families, but they don't have a voice in the election yet. 

I was so anxious yesterday thinking about the election. The only way I could calm myself was to meditate in prayer that the right person would be selected. It's relieving to know that after today a decision will be announced.

While reviewing each candidates' plan I couldn't help but get emotional when I read the immigration section. Many of my friends came here as children and America is all they know. Many have bachelors degrees and can't work because they don't have that 9-digit number. Our young people deserve the chance to contribute their talents to this country. 

Next topic of interest that really gets me is all the negativity towards LGBTQ rights like same sex marriage and the right to have children. Seriously if you've ever been in love could you imagine someone telling you what's acceptable in your relationship. You wouldn't stand for it. Everyone deserves love so please have an accepting heart. 

Finally, my health decisions are mine! I have been going to Planned Parenthood ever since I made the decision to be sexually responsible. Everything I stand for has to do with health prevention. Limited access to health care and preventative measures like birth control, mammograms, and other screenings would hinder progress in early detection and family planning. Back off! 

I know there are many other issues, but these are a few that really matter to me. I hope you get out and exercise your rights today. 

Connections

My brother started working at TAB this week. He looks so handsome in his business casual attire. I hope this new position opens great opportunities for him. We were on break talking about all the great people we work with and I was going on about how I often blur the lines of hierarchy. I haven’t forgotten that I came from working the graveyard shift in customer service and never see them as below me. I also don’t lack the confidence to introduce myself to those who are above me.

I can think of three reasons why I am friendly and say hi to everyone. The first being I’ve had more than one person throughout my life tell me I come off as bitchy and that’s not the impression I want to make. If I’ve come off that way it’s probably because I was masking insecurities that came with being in a new place, with new people. Second, I credit my master’s program for giving me the confidence to be who am I and not be afraid to have a voice. My final influence comes from my previous co-worker, Jake. The man can talk. He taught me how important it is to connect with people and form relationships. Recently I’ve found this new joy in getting to know people. Everyone has unique characteristics and stories that I don’t want to miss out on.

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

The time came for me to say goodbye to my beautician. She's done some vibrant transformations on my appearance. I went from dark brown, virgin hair to red and black.

The most striking service I got was eyelash extensions. She would always mention them to me, but I never wanted to do it because of the cost and I was worried that it would ruin my natural lashes. I finally gave in last November when she ran a special for $80 instead of the usual $150. 

This sounds so vain but I didn't want to give up the eyelashes. I really like them and it feels good to be pampered and chat for a bit. She was right it makes the most difference to your appearance and it was very  low maintenance which was perfect for me because I don't wear make-up. 

The number one reason I decided to call it quits is because it's $40 every two weeks . I always said I'd quit if we had a change in income. Although we can still afford it we came to the decision that we would cut out two unnecessary expenses, eyelashes and the supersonic car wash pass for an extra $105 that can go towards savings and tuition. 

Choke

I finally got a chance to catch up on some shows. I watched the Glee episode “Choke.” When I saw the title I assumed Chuck Palahniuk. I was a little off. I didn’t envision it guest starring Whoopi Goldberg, Kurt killing it at his NYADA audition and Rachel choking and ruining her audition. The episode lived up to its title and made me choke up about the message of violence against women and the struggle to get out of an unhealthy relationship. I was seriously heartbroken at the end when coach Beiste decided to give Cooter another chance after he blacked her eye. Unfortunately this is an all too common occurrence in the cycle of abuse.  I know a bit about domestic violence but decided I’d educate myself a little further on what it is and why it’s so hard for so many women to just leave. 

Types of Abuse 

Physical-hitting, punching, slapping, kicking, choking biting, burning, shoving, using objects or weapons, locking up or confining, interfering with sleeping or eating, restricting mobility

Sexual- forcing sexual acts, sexual assault with/without weapons, assault for refusing to engage in sexual activity

Emotional- Repetitive and excessive criticism, humiliation and degradation, which can include swearing, name calling and put-downs, restricting or controlling access to personal or social resources or friends, homophobic, racist, misogynistic attacks, threats or harm to pets

Threats- Direct intentions to harm you, your family, or your friends

Economic-controlling finances, stealing money, creating debt, interfering with employment or education

Destruction of Property-destruction of property or personal items

Stalking/Harassing-following, appearing unexpectedly or waiting outside of home or work, repeated phone calls, emails, messages

I wonder if any of these things were happening to me would I be empowered enough to leave? I think I’d have a hard time shaking the opinion that what happens in my home and relationship is my business and that no one has the right to tell me how to live, but it’s important to confide in people that care. I know I have strong, positive people in my life that would encourage me not to accept any type of abuse. Fuck looking the other way like nothing happened or those that advise someone to stay because it’s best for the children. It’s not okay when your sons and daughters have to grow up learning that abusive behaviors are acceptable.  

Women often feel isolation, shame, embarrassment & humiliation which can make it hard to leave. Although leaving is a positive step for a woman and her children it is still difficult. Here is a brief list of reasons why some women struggle to leave:

·         Fear that the abuse could get worse

·         Friends and family are not supportive

·         Fear of being a single parent

·         Limited resources(home, money, vehicle)

·         During the period of calm their partner is loving and nurturing

·         Internalizing or rationalizing reasons for the abuse(stress, work, finances, substance use)

·         Feeling isolated from family & friends as a result of the abuser’s control & trying to hide the abuse

·         Feelings of failure

These are real and serious reasons why women continue to give their partner just one more chance. Sadly one more chance could be your last chance. It’s important to be aware of our rights as women and not let anyone harm us. You are not a failure and don't deserve to be abused. If you are in Northern Utah a great resource is Your Community Connection.

All of this thinking from watching one TV episode. You should check it out; it’s filled with such strong emotion. Here are a few of the songs I really liked from the episode that related to this topic.