Elsa Manuela Alonso

This is one post I needed to write, but didn't want to sit down and reflect on it. Everyone went through their own grieving process and for me being in control and expressing it through writing, video, and photos has helped me cope, better than bawling in public. That's just me, I feel more comfortable suppressing things and having a hard exterior, even if I'm crumbling inside. It doesn't mean that I care less or hurt less, it's just my way. 

Sunday morning at 7:45 AM my phone started ringing, it was my father-in-law, I don't usually answer if I'm half awake, but it was unusual for him to call me, especially that early. My brain had time to process two things, either they needed a babysitter for Anthony or something happened to David. I answered, he said, Priscilla your friend Elsa has been in a bad accident. Car accidents are one sensitive topic for me. I've been in too many and I've dedicated this portion of my career to injury prevention out on the road. I uncouthly asked if she was dead. He said yes. I wasn't processing, I just wanted to know why, when, how. I  love and appreciate him for making that difficult call. 

This is the 2nd call I've received when I'm half awake that someone has passed way. Both times I reacted the same. I take the call, hang up, and realize in a mess of tears what's actually been said. I saw my brother outside my window and immediately ran out to tell him about the call. Hearing the words come out of my mouth made me cry. I love that guy, and I'm glad he was there to hear me. I could tell I was grasping for control because I put laundry in the dryer, went to the bathroom and put toilet paper on the roll. Jose came in and asked what I was doing, I told him, but wouldn't stop to talk, just kept being busy and crying. 

You know how when you hear bad news, and keep hoping that as the day progresses you'll find out that you were given the wrong information? That's how I felt. Elsa's grandma and aunt live a block from me, so I walked over to see how true it really was. Angie was sitting outside, more clouded than I was. We cried in each other's arms as we tried to piece it all together. The day was long and heartbreaking as many of us met at the crash site to leave flowers and balloons for our fallen friend. Hearing all of the chatter of what people thought happened was unsettling. I am all about logic and facts and will only believe the police report and examiners report, not someone's exaggerations. Again, coping mechanisms for me. 

It was a long, hard week leading up to the funeral services. I just wanted to keep in mind that I was hurting, but it wasn't about me, it was about showing support to her parents, brothers, baby, and Paris. Even to this day it still doesn't feel real. I hate checking Instagram and not seeing posts from her. The last time I saw her was at the Ludacris concert August 15th. We texted a few times after that. 

One thing I found very interesting was that all of her friends had distinct experiences in Elsa's timeline. My strongest memories are of our youth days at church. Everyone's memories mean something to them and are valuable. They are all a piece of her. 

I'm left with this weird feeling of not knowing whether I should love more or love less. My one comforting thought is that Elsa's free. To me that means she's in this perfect space, stress free, and oh so happy. 

If I could get one message across it would be don't drink & drive.

Here are the Fox 13 and Standard Examiner articles about the accident. 

Here's are  several videos, one of her memorial, one of old pics I had on a hard drive, and one our mutual friend made with recent pictures from the last few months.

3rd Anniversary

My husband and I celebrated our 3rd anniversary. I'm not the type of person to pour out mushy stuff all over social media, but I'll get a little more sentimental here. I wasn't very emotionally stable since my friend had just passed away, but I knew I wanted to go home and dedicate the evening to celebrating our marriage. To me it was the perfect evening, we took a nap, then got dressed up for dinner. I'm not going to lie, it was hard not to be sad, but I also couldn't help but feel lucky to have my husband. We had a lot to reflect back on this year, mostly good things. We had an amazing vacation, started new jobs, and found a hobby we both like. I'm most appreciative that he let's me live an independent lifestyle, where I can go to school and do my own hobbies. This year I really want to dedicate our efforts to becoming better communicators. My masters program has given me refreshing ideas of what it means to communicate effectively and I want that for us. 

A little something I want to remember is how we often banter back and forth about whether we're soulmates or not. I found this meme that made me laugh because as much as I don't want to believe in soulmates this is so how I feel realizing that indeed we are soulmates whether I like it or not. We were meant to find each other because I need someone to keep me lively and crazy. 

Mary Kay Girl's Night

My friend and sister-in-law Estela set a date for her wedding, so to celebrate we had Hollie Holley pamper us with Mary Kay. I loved the wedding talk about photo booths, dresses, and honeymoon destinations. She's going to be the most beautiful bride. Weddings get me so excited because making that commitment and having someone vow to spend their life with you is so precious. Let the 10 month countdown begin. 

Me, Stela, Zuly, & Liz

Three Years of Service

January 7th marked my three year anniversary with FJM. I was working for the Northern Utah Autism Program when my school schedule became too hard to work around so I had to resign. That was one of my favorite jobs, so I was sad to leave, those kids gave me a sense of love and fulfillment that no other job has. I was only without a job for about a week when my aunt told me that TAB was looking for a graveyard Spanish-speaking representative. I went to the interview and was offered the job the immediately.

I am the type of person who once it gets dark I'm ready for bed so you can imagine how horrible I was at working the graveyard shift. They good thing was that it was a very slow, easy going position. When I got off work in the morning I would nap in my car for a bit before class started. My sleep schedule was so messed up and I was grumpier than usual. I did that for a year until I graduated and immediately applied for a day time position. I started working in the loans department after Martin Luther King Jr Day so I think the 19th. I've been here ever since. I don't want to bash on this place because it's been a really good job with lots of extras and great connections, but I didn't expect to be here this long. I'm still searching for that dream job, but it's just not my time yet. It's also getting harder to leave this place because I don't want to take a cut in salary. I suppose maybe after I finish my masters program I'll choose love over money. 

Two people have mentioned to me how nice it is to be acknowledged and my friend did her research prospectus on organizations showing their gratitude for employees. With my aloof attitude I've never bought into the idea because it doesn't really matter to me, but maybe there are some people that need it. Then again, deep down maybe I do like it because here I am sharing with everyone. I guess I just don't like the recognition, it's embarrasses me, and why should anyone be praised for doing what their expected to do? 

Anyway,

2013 Calendar of Love & Gratitude

My boss gave me a calendar for Christmas, since I already have two at my desk I thought I'd hang it at home and use it  as a tool to stay positive and share my gratitude throughout the month by writing my thoughts on the monthly image. 

I hung it behind the bathroom door because it's a private place where you always have time to read and reflect. Maybe it's a fresh new year or me being nice and resisting the negative that are making things at home enjoyably comforting and fun. 

The three things I've written so far this month are about my husband taking care of me while I've been sick, he warmed up my car before work, and he made omelets for breakfast on Saturday. We don't always take the time to thank each other so I wanted a low-key way to let him to know that I notice and appreciate him. 

Stormy Christmas

This Christmas was unlike any I've experienced so far. We did the usual Christmas Eve dinner at The Vigil's, Christmas Eve at the Angulo's, and Christmas morning at the Perea's. I've hardly understood why my parent's siblings can't come together anymore for Christmas, but I'm starting to see it among my own generation. I've always imagined that a bond between brothers and sisters could not be broken, but this season three of our siblings weren't fully present. I think it sucked, but I tried to stay focused on enjoying those who were there. I wish I could see what lessons we're supposed to be learning or the outcome of all of these emotions. Oh the joys of constantly changing and growing. One thing I've observed is talking about an issue is much more productive than going on for years assuming or ignoring it. Check back in years to see if I've changed my mind. 

I didn't take as many pictures as usual this year, instead I did video clips that I want to use to make a video of this Christmas. When I finish it I'll share it with you all.

Here are a few of my favorite Christmas memories of 2012.

My youngest niece & nephew

Shredding meat for tamales

Christmas Eve at the Angulo's. The kids couldn't wait until midnight so we opened presents around 11 pm.

My mom and grandma Christmas morning

Hey look, my brother made it after all. We worked around his work release schedule so we did Christmas at 6 am.

Sledding

Jimmy & Leah

Angulo girls minus Leah who was mad at Janeece for taking her ball

With this last picture I just want to take the time to talk about how sweet my man is. We don't usually buy each other gifts, but he drew my name so he gave me my gift along with an expression that I deserve so much more. Then he woke up at 5:30 am on Christmas morning so we could get to my mom's to spend Christmas with my brother. Then after a nap we went back to my parent's house for dinner. I appreciate him being so funny and inappropriately entertaining. He even put up with our sit around the table family fights(discussions).

Look Who's Moving to Bolivia & Chicago

This weekend I said adiós to two inspirational men. I’m excited for the new experiences they're going to have and wish them the best. Don't give up and remember that there are people back home who love and support you.

Saul

Saul is on his way to Bolivia to serve a mission for the LDS church for two years. I’m really excited for him to be doing something positive with his time. I think missions are great for boys because they move out of mommy’s house and learn sacrifice and independence. Saul really impressed me with the speech he gave on Sunday at church. He was well prepared and is a natural public speaker. I’m going to miss walking over to Smith’s on my lunch break to hanging out and catch up. I look forward to receiving emails soon about his journey. Here are a few picture from his farewell events.  

 

Going away dinner with the cousins. Jose, Bro, Saul, Priscilla & Nene

Marisela, Ponchito, Marky Chon, Saul, Priscilla, Stella

Bolivia

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Luis

I met Luis about 8 years ago when we both belonged to the Apostolic Assembly.  We’ve had some fun and strange times. I can’t express enough how proud I am of his academic success and personal growth. He recently graduated from the University of Utah and is now on his way to Chi-Town to get his Ph.D. at Northwestern University.

Back when Luis was in high school I had to help him with his math.

Homework got boring so we made rice krispies.

Bye Luis!

Yay for technology I'll be able to keep in touch with both of them. I can't wait to see fun pics on Instagram Luis.

Meeting You

Before                                                  After

 

I received this picture frame at a Christmas gift exchange. I’m a big hater and can’t stand that quote, “Live, Laugh, Love,” not because it’s not inspirational, but because it’s over used and if you know me I’m not into believing the hype and almost refuse to do things because everyone else is doing them. I do allow myself to get suckered into reading certain books though.

I decided to re-design it with a quote I pinned on Pinterest. I reworded it a bit because I didn’t think it would fit and I felt like the word privileged was too formal.

1 Universe, 9 Planets, 204 Countries, 809 Islands, 7 Seas, and I got to meet you.

I think it’s amazing living in this big world where we get the opportunity to meet people who have such an impact on our lives. There are so many people I’m grateful to know, but only 5 frames, so it was difficult choosing who to showcase. If I love you and you aren’t in this frame you’re probably hanging up in another.

Top Left:

When I married Jose I got to join the club of vibrant Angulo women. I can never relate with those mother-in-law horror stories because mine is great. She’s so non judgmental and understanding. The thing I admire most about her is her willingness to serve others. Next, I got a badass sister-in-law Susie who is down for anything. It makes me laugh when her guy, Jaime, describes her as brava because that is exactly what she is. She won’t take crap from anyone, knows how to have a good time and is the best mom. Then there’s Leilannie, my oldest niece, who’s heading towards greatness. This picture was taken April 2012 in Ensenada, Mexico.

Top Right:

This picture was taken in a tuc-tuc in Guatemala on a study abroad trip in 2010. When I started college I knew people went to study abroad, but I never thought it was something I’d do. I’m so glad I went and had the chance to cross paths with Ashley and Kevin. Life is busy so we aren’t able to keep in touch as often as I’d like, but we have great memories together.

Middle:

This is the most recent picture of the PRAMS Girls taken this June. I’ve known most of them for 6 years. We met at a crucial time in life when we were all transitioning into young adulthood. It’s nice to have this support system. (I don’t like the shadow the frame casts on this picture.)

Bottom Right:

This is a picture of me and two of my favorite roommates I had when I was going to the UofU. Frank is a crazy, fun-loving Georgian and Adam is a Portuguese speaking Californian who now lives in Texas with his wife and one-year-old son. I don’t know if we will ever see each other again, but we keep in touch through Facebook, Instagram and Blogger.

Bottom Left:

This was Halloween 2011 out in good ol’ Plain City, Utah at Parker and Caysie’s Halloween party. These were originally my brother’s friends, he and Parker were born on the exact same day and were best friends growing up. Now they’ve become our friends. We always have a nice, drama free time with them.

I enjoyed re-doing this frame, it ended up being way more than just gluing. I got the chance to reflect on how big the world is and how lucky I am to be Where I’m Supposed to Be meeting such wonderful people. 

Our Health Is A Blessing

I had the chance to visit with my cousin's wife Angie a few times this week. She is in the hospital battling a range of ailments that cancer has brought upon her body. 

Today I stopped in to wish her a happy birthday and chat with her and her husband Bobby. I can't imagine having to see my spouse go through such pain and suffering, but hearing their testimony and seeing their faith was so inspiring.  Angie said, "our health is a blessing." Too often I take my health, husband and family for granted. I hope to be better at appreciating my many blessings, because life can change in an instant. If you pray please take the time to ask for healing and comfort for Angie and her family. If you would like to read her story and keep in contact with her throughout this journey go here.

Good Bye Castañeda Family

Three years ago Castañeda, Maritza, Erica, Jonathan, Bianca and Eli(inside the belly), moved to Utah from California. I learned that the family was moving back to California when Alejandra ask me to take friendship pictures of her and Erica. 


Last Friday I met up with these cute girls and took some fun pictures to try to document their friendship. I couldn't help but smile and reminisce about my best friend who moved here from California, unfortunately people grow up and apart. I hope with all of my heart that they can continue to support each other and remember all of the good times they had together. 

Here are a few of my favorites

Sister Gamon

A week ago Sister Gamon was laid to rest. I’ve known her my whole life through church. Because of her I am blessed to have her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren in my life. I went to honor her life and to support and reunite with friends I haven’t seen in years. It’s crazy how fast time passes and how you outgrow each other. Don’t assume outgrow to have a negative connotation. Looking back at the time when certain friendships were the strongest was because I needed their love and support to grow during that time of my life. I’ve been going through old pictures of times spent with these friends and can hardly believe some are from five years ago. I really miss them.

It’s funny, I always heard older Apostolics warning us to enjoy our youth, but when I was young I thought it would never end, we’d never grow apart from God or our friends. Now we’re all scattered and life isn’t as carefree with all of the added responsibilities.

Sister Gamon’s granddaughter sang a song at the funeral service called I Never Lost My Praise. If you get a chance listen. It talks about how through change we lose friends, loved ones, go through disappointments and crisis, but one thing never changed-hope, joy, faith and praise. The one I feel the strongest connection with is Joy: the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation. Life is good and I am blessed beyond comprehension. Being joyful is my action of gratitude for all that I have.

Seeing the hurt on my friend’s faces because they lost their grandma scared me. I know the time is coming that mine will have to leave too. I do my best to call them every day to just say hi and see how their day went, because I want them to know I love and respect them. The thing I’m dreading most about their funerals is the fake ones who will be bawling their eyes out, but never even came to visit or made a genuine phone call for something other than money. I worry that my way of expressing my emotions will be by being an asshole. I hope that’s not the case, that I can present myself with dignity  and remember that it’s not about anyone else, it’s about honoring my grandparents.

That’s enough about my nostalgia, joy, and bitterness. Here are some photos of old times with Sister Gamon's family and documentation of my grandparents in February 2012.