Remember my new years resolution of setting better boundaries and sticking to them? Well, I had to recently. I was presented with a challenge to say no.
Unfortunately my mother's grandma passed away, she asked me to go to the funeral with her in New Mexico. I said no, then felt guilty, like I wasn't being compassionate enough about her loss, so I said I'd go. I envisioned it as a nice little road trip and a chance to travel, but I kept feeling conflicted about it, because I wasn't going for the right reasons. I have very little connection with my New Mexico family. I would also have to miss my cousins' baby dedication and my friend's baby shower. I am loyal in the sense that if I say I'm going to be there, I will be there. Dependable. I felt really bad about having to give my regrets that I wouldn't be making it to these events.
I finally questioned myself as to why I wasn't being true to what I really wanted. I had to tell my mom I wasn't going to go with her. More guilt came up when she said she wouldn't be going then if she had to go alone. I couldn't drop my plans to fulfill someone else's. As much as I struggled with that, I had to stick with my "no". I don't know how to say this in a sensitive way, so I'll just be honest. I would rather go to events of people in my life that I know and care about, instead of going to a gathering of strangers. Even writing this I keep questioning if I sound wrong. I know I would've regretted missing out on the dedication and the baby shower.