Friday, March 6, 2015

Unconventional Conception

Gosh we've been trying to make a baby for 18 months and it just wasn't happening. We finally went to an infertility consultation at Circle of Life Womens Center. Everything checked out fine with us. Our options were to do a follicle check and possible artificial insemination. I went in November and sure enough right on schedule I had a follicle ready to burst in a few days. I could've tried intrauterine insemination, but Jose was out of town. We tried again in December and in the doctor's words I had a "juicy follicle." We were scheduled the day before Jose's birthday to go in and do artificial insemination. It was more emotional than had I ever imagined it would be. Exciting, scary, and so much more. Modern medicine is cool. We did one final follicle check and you could see the shriveled water sack, meaning the egg was released, so they gave Jose the go-ahead to do his thing.

The insemination part was borderline traumatic. The doctor mentioned that it's a quick, easy process, but not for us, of course. She was really struggling to get the catheter past my cervix and had to keep leaving the room for more tools. When I get really nervous I laugh, this time was no different. I seriously started laughing hysterically. The doctor already looked frustrated, my laughing and the flopping forceps didn't make it any easier. She told me I needed to try harder to stop moving. Jose was getting mad at me to for laughing like a maniac during something so serious. She finally did what she could and called it good. From what Jose could see it didn't look like she got it in because the tube came out bent. Her instructions to us were next steps as if she knew it wasn't going work. She wrote me a prescription for Clomid, which I wasn't even sure I wanted to take. I don't know if I want to deal with the side effects of mood swings or the possibility of multiples.

I had to lay with a wedge under my back for 20 minutes. Laying there with my fingers in a yoni fertility mudra I started crying. Crying because I was meditating on all of the women who love me and visualized them sending me positive energy. Crying because I felt fear and anger that this may be a reoccuring procedure that hurts and costs money. Life is not fair, people don't want babies and accidently get pregnant. People who want babies can't have them. I know there's no real answer, but my mind wandered to darker thinking like maybe we're not supposed to have kids, that's why it's not working. I guess that can't be true though, if there's a will, there's a way and everyone on this earth is here for a reason, whether I like it or not.

Jose was really nice and gave me a pep talk on the way home that if it doesn't work we'll keep trying. If it doesn't work we'll be okay because we have each other.

Technology is cool. That's a follicle with an egg in my left ovary. 

I'm so lucky to have friends that care enough to send me sweet messages.

Apparently organic pineapple is supposed to make your uterus sticky.

Our experience.

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