New Music

I listen to the same music over and over. I almost get an anxious feeling when I have to listen to music I don't know. I don't go exploring for new music, but lately I've been more open to listening except it's only by artists I already know and like. I did feel a bit adventurous scrolling through new releases on YouTubr music and thought about giving them a try but I have too much of what I like to get through. 

Noah Kahan's new album came out a few days ago. I've passively put off listening to it because I needed to be in the right space to take it in and read the lyrics as I listened. I finally did it today and like so many songs. I can't wait to re-listen. 

Next album I'm anticipating is Kasey Musgraves. I've been listening to her interview with Zane Lowe and I'm hopeful I'll like it. She's welI spoken and I align with her political stance.  Sometimes I can't handle how calm her voice is in previous albums. We shall see. 

Mom Types

Something I miss pre-covid is the groups I participated in, like the babywearing group and La Leche League. I feel fortunate that I had those support groups with my first kids. I feel bad for moms now who are pushed to a more isolated, individualistic life. 

With my 3rd baby I've gone to the library baby group. I was surprised by how many moms are there during the day. It's kids focused so I don't get the sense that the main focus is mom support. 

Jose said something funny to me that made me reflect on my type of and made me truly feel known by my partner. 

I mentioned to him how there are so many moms with their iced coffees, sitting around chatting while their kids play. I told him that's not my style, being a part of the iced coffee, SAHM, click. I told him I'm looking for the cloth diapering moms who have a boob out,  nursing their baby. He said, "all the free bleeders". It cracked me up, because yes, let's talk about birth, bleeding, and nature. 

Back to Music

I last mentioned I got the ick and deleted the top time wasting social media apps for me. The last time I stayed off for a week was for a Meta boycott and I had serious withdrawal symptoms. I was anxious and grumpy. This time it hasn't been like that. Partly because we've been really busy. I think the motive behind it made my brain okay with it. 

I still have Snapchat for messaging and photo sharing. I posted more stories than usual Sunday and check in on friends there a bit. It's much less time consuming than IG though. I also realized Facebook Messenger let's me see stories. I checked a few but I don't think I'll want to do that much. That's what I'm trying to stay away from. 

I've been on LinkedIn a bit more, but it's pretty fake. 

I've been posting on VSCO which I don't get haha, but I like the idea of getting back into photography. 

My favorite thing about not using TikTok and IG for listen to videos is I've been listening to music. 

Here's a fun list:

Ella Langley-Still Hungover(I liked her newly released album so I thought I'd explore previous work. I liked it.)

Kasey Musgraves- in anticipation of her new album I started listening to old stuff. Her single Dry Spell is clever and catchy. Honestly she's not really my fav. I was surprised to discover she sings Biscuits which I loved when it came out. I discovered her late when she did duets with Noah Kahan and Zach Bryan and I really like her in those songs. 

Olivia Dean-The Art of Loving(still not loving it).

Olivia Rodrigo-new song, excited for her new album. 

Taylor Swift-TTPD (I was in a mood)

J. Cole-The Fall-Off(listened through again while reading the lyrics. I like him. A)

Finneas has a new band with Ashe called The Favor and OMG I love the album. I found out through Reddit which is another app I scrolled through briefly. I saw a thread that asked people if they like Optimist or For Crying Out Loud more. I didn't initially like FCOL, so I thought I'd give it another listen. I'm still not like it as much as Optimist or the new band. 

deleted the apps

I got so disgusted with myself last night that I deleted Instagram, Facebook and TikTok. 

I'm glad I finally got there. Maybe it started on Thursday when I made a list of all the things I wanted to do if I want wasting my time on social media. I've made a list like that in a previous post but perhaps pen to paper helped my brain. 

For the last few week I've been posting quite a bit on stories and my feed. 

The things that helped me crash out last night were I've been sharing and others don't. Isn't that the point? Next, I felt disgust using my kids as content. I stopped posting their faces but started again. Third, I was trying to read my book, but went to check one thing and fell into doom scrolling. I went down wasteful rabbit holes and stayed up later than I ever want to. 

It wasn't only the scrolling that was the problem. My brain is always thinking about content to post. Even today I had enough dinner shots to do my TikTok what's for dinner series but I didn't re-download the app to post. I do feel a little sad I'll miss the videos my husband sends but maybe I'll check messages periodically. I also have a very active friend group chat on IG. I've tried moving it to text but it always reverts back because one friend sends a lot of Reels. I'll check that periodically on a browser but sometimes it's nonsense so I'll be fine. 

Today has been good. I watched a show while I cooked. I listened to several albums while I washed dishes. I really needed to catch up on my mess. I spent some time on VSCO sharing tulip festival photos. On the list of what I'd do without social media was use my DSLR more. I made dinner and took it to my mom and gramps. Took care of the chickens and noticed one of the rooster needed some major care. I played with my kids. I read. 

Tell me it's you without telling me it's you

Today I got a text from a number I didn't know. It was random af. In a funny way, I knew who it was without them having to tell me. I wasn't 100% sure, and as the conversation went on, it was clear that we were both experiencing the words from different lenses. 

Clearly, I was in typo mode and know the best album is Waking the Fallen. 

They need a sponsor to attend, and I thought it was a company wanting to sponsor the event. When I asked who are you with, I meant what company, and they thought physically with. 

Love it!!

Soft Life Capacity

A thought came to me today after enjoying a Friday morning breakfast at my parents' house. Having a soft life gives me the capacity to help others, and that's not the case for everyone. My parents have made a beautiful life where 4 generations intertwine regularly. 

The morning started out with me puttering around, not sure what I wanted for breakfast. I thought I'd mess with my dad by sending him a text that if they went to breakfast, not to forget about me. He called and said he was at the grocery store picking up supplies to make breakfast. After our conversation, my mom messaged that my dad said I was coming to breakfast. Honestly, I wasn't planning on it. I had put the baby in the bath. She said it would be a while because my dad was at the store. I ended up going, and it was so nice. They worked together in the kitchen to get things ready. My mom made my requested chocolate chip pancakes. My grandpa and aunt also came to eat. 

After breakfast, I spent time outdoors with the baby, riding around on the four-wheeler and stopping to say hi to the neighbor. 

Seriously, such a lovely life. 

My Birthday Month

I kicked off my favorite, love month, with a girls' brunch at Plated Dreams with my SIL and niece. The food wasn't great tasting or priced, but it was cute and nice to get out. 

Every day leading up to my birthday, my mom dropped off a gift and a note. 

I had Galentines with Jessi, Tiffy, and Emily. Tiffany hosted and came up with the theme of PJs and breakfast for dinner. We had pancake tacos with vanilla Greek yogurt and berries. I took smoked chicken sausage that I shaped like hearts, roasted beet hummus, and heart-shaped radishes. Emily brought her slushie machine. Jessica brought cauliflower hash browns. This group of friends is wholesome and so funny. 

We had my mom over for the Super Bowl. The kids were trying to figure out how we were going to watch and follow the rule of no eating downstairs. We surprised them by setting up a table and eating while we watched. Dinner was steak, cheesy potato logs, spaghetti, and meatballs. The Bad Bunny halftime show was powerful. An IG friend of mine created Bad Bunny coloring pages. I had a table set up where three generations were coloring. My favorite part was seeing the kids grab blank paper and make their own illustrations. 

My friend Julie Amazoned a gift to my front door.

My SIL Susie sent me an Amazon gift card so I could buy my next read.

On Valentine's Day, Jose and I made breakfast with love for our little loves. He bought steak in the shape of a heart. The plan was to make heart-shaped pancakes and eggs, but the heart-shaped skillet was a bust. The table was decorated, and the kids' favorite were the candlesticks. Adding fire is always fun. 

My mom made dinner for my birthday. My request was goulash, cornbread, and cherry coffee cake. My dad bought ribs, and Jose smoked them. We took our signature dish, Brussels sprouts. My mom made many other desserts as well. 

My SIL Estela came over to make dinner, gifted me cute clips, and gave me quality time. 

My longtime girlfriends and I got together for brunch. While only 5 of 7 made it, we had such a lovely time. To go through a life with people who know all of each other's major events is special. Loving and cheering each other on, seeing the growth, is empowering. 

To finish off the month, we'll be heading to Las Vegas to celebrate my mom's birthday. We're taking her to The Wizard of Oz at The Sphere. That will be it's own post. 

Long travel in a Model Y

It can be hard for people to have an open mind to doing things in a different way. I think this is common in the gas to EV world. I'm going on a trip with several people and some mental blocks are coming up. Maybe I'm just naive and assume the best though. I must vent and talk this through so I don't spiral and over react. 

People feel a resistance to the idea of charging and how many miles you can go on a charge. I've been driving an EV for 2 and a half years and love it. The furthest I've gone is 142 each way. It was a new experience, I had a little anxiety, but all-in-all it worked out. 

I'm ready to try a longer drive, 460 each way. My top two motivators are self-driving and I want to see the cost savings. I'm not worried about charging time, but a few people involved(not necessarily going, but involved) in the trip are pressed. Either way we'd have to stop to fuel, stretch, and change the baby. Charging stations aren't in the middle of know where. There are usually amenities. 

The next challenge people are worried about is space and comfort. I'm being selfish here because comfort on a drive never crosses my mind. I have a 7 seater and we're 3 adults, 1 rear-facing toddler, and 2 kids. It's only a 4 day trip, two being travel days, so we don't need to pack very heavy. That leaves an open seat and many compartments. We've considered taking a toe hitch rack, but are now reconsidering to make parking easier. 

I've had strong suggestions of borrowing an SUV or renting a van and I don't want to. Ultimately I'd love to fly, but got resistance for that. That leaves me with wanting to try this way of travel. If we hate it then we don't ever have to do it again. 

Again, it feels like a mental block to try a different way. I think it'll be okay. 

Social Media & Morals

I've been struggle hardcore with the first world problem of navigating social media and psuedo-relationships. The week leading up to the superbowl and after Bad Bunny's half-time show I felt clear that it was time to be done with racists and those that don't add value to my life. I went through and block handfuls of people; a lot family. I was feeling a bit apprehensive that they'd notice, especially since my bday was coming up and they wouldn't be able to wish me a HBD on FB. I partially pussed out and deactivated it to lessen the attention but also to see who was real. I don't want an obligatory FB hbd. 

The even trickier thing was people I deleted because they're MAGA still sent me birthday wishes and love. How can you love me but not my people? Oh, maybe because they think I'm one of the good ones.🖕🏾

I've always feared not being seen or understood but I'm ready to fall off the face of the planet and get abducted by an alien. 👽 🌌

Might deactivate my IG next. I'm wasting my kids' childhoods keeping up on bullshit For what? It's all so performative, myself included. I doubt anyone cares about me. I'm not saying this in a sad, depressed way. I know who cares because we check-in periodically. The rest is just static. I can always write and post here. 

I haven't had goals in awhile, but getting off the internet sounds good. I want to plant flowers, give my kids my attention, cook, build a strong body, and read.