Soft Life Capacity

A thought came to me today after enjoying a Friday morning breakfast at my parents' house. Having a soft life gives me the capacity to help others, and that's not the case for everyone. My parents have made a beautiful life where 4 generations intertwine regularly. 

The morning started out with me puttering around, not sure what I wanted for breakfast. I thought I'd mess with my dad by sending him a text that if they went to breakfast, not to forget about me. He called and said he was at the grocery store picking up supplies to make breakfast. After our conversation, my mom messaged that my dad said I was coming to breakfast. Honestly, I wasn't planning on it. I had put the baby in the bath. She said it would be a while because my dad was at the store. I ended up going, and it was so nice. They worked together in the kitchen to get things ready. My mom made my requested chocolate chip pancakes. My grandpa and aunt also came to eat. 

After breakfast, I spent time outdoors with the baby, riding around on the four-wheeler and stopping to say hi to the neighbor. 

Seriously, such a lovely life. 

House Hunting

This past winter we loosely talked about buying a different home in the summer. One day I was feeling really overwhelmed and powerless having my privacy and lifestyle criticized yet again by family. It made me want to run away. While driving to work, listening to X96 Radio From Hell there was an ad about Newdwello having grant specialists who can help you find money for a down payment. I looked into it and was contacted by a man named Sterling. 

Although we don't qualify for any grants Sterling has been a great help. We went from not really looking for a home to placing an offer on an amazing home with a breathtaking view. Our offer was accepted, we received financing, paid the down payment, and signed the papers only to find out the owner's deceased wife's children placed a lien on the property. We ultimately declined to continue with that home. It is a beautiful home in the perfect location, but logically we were biting off what we could chew, but could possibly choke on. The yard may have been too much work for us and I didn't want to cut back on eating out and living comfortably. If it was supposed to work out then it would have. We believe in recognizing signs that guide us. It's all about making smart choices and this home would not have been the smartest choice for us.

We did get a family picture after going to closing and signing.

We've continued looking for houses but we have some specifics that make it challenging. It's a sellers market, inventory is scarce. There aren't enough houses on the market for as many buyers that are out there.

What I love most about our current home is the location. We're in Ogden, but tucked away on the west side. It's close to the river and trails, the freeway, lots of local eats and entertainment and I have an easy drive to drop the baby off at my mom's. 

What we don't love about our place is that we don't have a dish washer and only one bathroom. We'd really like an attached 2 car garage. We don't want to do the old fixer-upper house again. It's a lot of work and money and we're tired. 

The dilemma is I want have to be in Ogden. My favorite activities and groups are in Ogden, like Yogis of Ogden and the O-Town Babywearers. I need the beautiful mountains and quick access to trails. I want to raise my child(ren) in Ogden so they can develop a strong sense of community involvement. Ogden is more diverse than the surrounding areas. It's not California diverse, but my children will be exposed to other cultures and religions as opposed to if we moved to a Davis County suburb(I REFUSE). 

The type of house we want and the lifestyle we want conflict. Ogden is made up of old homes. Many of them have been renovated inside so they're gorgeous, but the whole garage thing, they're all detached and rarely fit two cars. We're looking for 4 or 5 bedrooms because we want a whole tribe of children. We're okay settling for 3 bedrooms and possibly moving later. Here's what I'm thinking, if I can convince my husband that a detached garage is something we can work with, could we settle for a lovely Ogden home tucked on the side of the mountain with trees and a view? The downside is we'd have to carry shit a little further and maybe run from house to car in the rain. I think we'll live. 

Our agent tells me to be patient. We'll find a home that aligns with us. 

Our Time Spent in Mira Loma

On our way to and from Mexico we stopped in Mira Loma to spend time with our friends and family there. It was a little chaotic this time with so many people, my sister-in-law recovering from surgery and so many new baby animals on the rancho. None the less it was a great time. 

Susie has two bulldogs who were both pregnant. Talk about delicate dogs, they had to be inseminated and have c-sections. Here's one of the five pups. 

Kitten and puppy keeping each other warm. 

I love how social food is. Everyone helps in some way and we eat some damn good food with great conversation.

Huge Pizza

 Jaime preparing the salsa

 Crab

 I'm always down to try mysterious things. No one would tell me what was in this until I ate it. Apparently it was crab brains and other nasty body parts. It was spicy and delicious.

This fried fish was so good, I would've eaten more than one, but I had to leave enough for everyone else. 

Jose pouring water for Magaly to make corn tortillas. She added cilantro to the masa, something I've never seen before, it gave it a good flavor. 

My mother-in-law and her friend. I've never seen her laugh so hysterically. I wasn't fast enough to record them laughing, but here they are making tortillas. 

Jose's best friend Chris stopped by with costillistas

Menudo simmering for breakfast before we head back to Utah.

One thing I really like about California is how heavily saturated it is with Mexican culture. There are so many local specialty shops and the paletero drives buy selling popsicles and snacks. 

Kids are so funny. Leah got sick of the littles ones, kicked them out of her playhouse and made this note for the door. Janeece, in the most serious voice, asked me if Leah was going to get a spanking because she really needs one. It made me LOL. 

We celebrated Jaime's 60th birthday. 

Thoughts On Growing Our Family

This last vacation had me feeling really sad that we don't have a family. It was so fun playing and interacting with all of Angulo spawn. I've never gotten it until now, how great it is to have kids of your own. I picked up really weird ideas, made interpretations and internalized things in my pessimistic manner in regard to children. My understanding was that it's bad to have an unplanned pregnancy, especially at a young age. Kids are a lot of work. It's the end of all your fun and funds when you have kids. Maybe some of those are true, but I used those negative thoughts to put off having kids for year. 

I don't think I ever realized how much my parents enjoyed raising us until now. I should've know by how my dad always took us with him everywhere on his days off and my mom did fun activities with us and included us in cooking and cleaning.

I loved seeing the excitement on my nephew's face while we were at the beach and it made me think about how I'm sure my parents had an even stronger feeling of love and excitement seeing us explore Mexico when we were little kids. Those are the moments that make it all worth it. It doesn't matter if you're kids are brats, loving them and watching them grow is magical. 

I don't 100% know why all of a sudden I feel like I am missing out and have this strong desire for a family. I'm done with school and it just feels like what's next. It's probably my crazy brain wanting something I can't have. I'm feeling anger and frustration towards our situation. I want instant result, when that's not always possible. All that negative self talk in my head says I don't deserve it. I often wonder why I've been so successful at work and school, but I suck at marriage and family. 

People I know love us have said some really fucked up things and if I wasn't so respectful I would've told them to eat shit. Comments towards me, how I said I would have kids after I finished school and got a job, but I haven't lived up to that. Comments about my husband, assuming there's something wrong with him, because he hasn't produced kids. Then other side comments in the past few months about how maybe we shouldn't have kids or maybe we haven't gotten pregnant because it wasn't meant to be. Most of these people don't know we've been trying for over a year.

Kind of heavy for a Friday. Here's hoping I get out of this funk and enjoy my 3 day weekend and our anniversary coming up on Thursday. 

Pioneer Day

It's such a nice feeling to get paid while not actually working. I spent quality time with a lot of loved ones, doing nothing traditional. 

My grandparents have their daily routine which usually starts with breakfast at McDonald's. I wanted to take them somewhere different so we stepped out of their comfort zone and went to Chick-Fil-A. Gramps tried a sausage burrito, Grandma got a bacon and egg biscuit and I passed out a chicken-mini to each of them. They didn't get their coffee very quickly so that may have discouraged them, but overall they liked it and we had a good time. 

The next part of the routine is to get a little physical activity in. My grandpo goes for a walk daily. I'm so amazed with how he sees the benefits of walking and feels good physically and mentally. We walked on the Centennail Trail. Check out this little video I threw together. 

After our 2 mile walk we went back to my house to cool off with some popsicles. 

Later on I stopped to visit my parents and watch a movie with my mom and younger cousin, Jade. My mom popped popcorn kernels in a brown paper bag, drizzled the popcorn with butter and added a sprinkle of salt. It was impressive, I could've eaten two more bowls full. 

After visiting my parents I headed to pick up my niece and nephew. We got to my house, and because I'm a car seat nerd, I worked on their seats for a bit, untwisting straps and getting everything back in order. While I worked, they ate popsicles. Then we headed to downtown Ogden to play at the park, walk 25th street and eat at Lucky Slice. 

I had a wide range of experiences today, from hanging with older souls to hanging with kiddies. Two totally different, but wonderful age groups that show different perception of the world around us. 

Graduation Party

I had the best graduation party ever. Honestly I was looking forward to this party more than the university ceremonies. I worked hard for this. It was fun to have so many people help me celebrate. I felt so loved by their presence and presents.

I can't thank my parents enough for working so hard putting it together and everyone else who helped with

food prep

decorations

drinks 

photos

DJ

bounce house

dancing

&

clean up.

The theme was cowboy/cowgirl because my parents live in the country and I love the country life. It was fun to see all of the creative get ups. 

All of these connections have loved me, supported me and helped me grow into who I am. I love you all. 

Mule Days

When I was younger, still living at home, we'd always do a Memorial Day weekend trip to Mule Days in Bishop, CA. It's been years since I've been so this year when my dad called to invite me to Jake Clark Mule Days in Ralston, WY I accepted the offer.  My dad's dad recently passed away and the trip was over Father's Day weekend so I was more than happy to go spend some time with my dad, mom and their new pup. 

We went in my dad's nice mega cab Dodge dually. It was so roomy and comfortable and I am so in love with landscapes and beautiful scenery that I enjoyed the 8 hour drive. 

My parents just got a new puppy and she came along. I seriously questioned, "who are these people?", that are letting a dog ride in their vehicle and be cuddled and spoiled. I've never seen my parents so affectionate with a dog. They treat it like a baby. It's really cute and I'm happy for them. Even if they gave less attention to their real baby. 

The event was small compared to the one in Bishop. It mostly consisted of a rodeo and mules on display to be auctioned off on the last day. The highest selling mule went for $29,500. Although mules are beautiful animals I had no idea they were worth that much. 

The rodeo was cool. My two favorite events were the mounted shooting and the wild cow milking. The weather was nuts, it poured on us then got really hot. 

One night we attended the chuck wagon dinner. It was a nice rib-eye steak with all the fixin's . 

On the way home we drove a different route and came through Yellowstone. It was gorgeous, but at times dangerous with all of the wildlife on the road. The Dodge Ram came up really close to some real ram.

MPC Graduation

It's been two months since graduation. My diploma actually just arrived in the mail last week. It didn't set in right away that it was over. After not having homework or classes  and getting back on a consistent evening schedule it finally feels real. 

I was so excited for my hooding ceremony. It was an evening ceremony of just my cohort and our families. It was a special honor to have our professors place our masters hood over our heads and onto our shoulders. They did it fairly quickly so it wasn't on very good and looks silly in my photos in case you're wondering.  

I was looking forward to speeches from some of my favorite classmates. They did a stellar job portraying what it was like in the program and describing the bond we all built. I love them all and will miss meeting up with them for class. 

Just a side note, I don't mean to be a downer on a celebratory post, but I just want to make sure my journaling is accurate. I was excited and looking forward to the evening festivities, but I received the some horrible news that afternoon. I'm just glad I had the support of the two people in this world who have always been rooting for me since day one and who understand how important education is to me, because unfortunately there are several people who love me, but put me down about how educated I am. Thanks Mom and Dad. 

The next day was a commencement ceremony I did not attend, because I remember my undergrad one and it was boring and long. I didn't want to make anyone have to suffer through that. My college convocation was later on in the afternoon. Since it was the College of Arts and Humanities it was a very entertaining ceremony with musical and theatrical performances. I was happy that my grandparents, cousins, parents, and friend Ashley were able to attend. They're my biggest fans. We had a nice lunch afterward at Goodwood. 

Pre-hood

 My mom wrote me the nicest card and got me a Pandora bracelet 

 Things I love-snow, yoga, picture taking