Friday, December 4, 2015

Let the Holiday Drama Begin & End Quickly

I've been going to this postpartum support group, which I don't think is the right fit for me. I like hanging out with the ladies, but my time would be better spent at home with my family. I don't feel like I'm suffering from anything postpartum. I went because I thought maybe I would need to cope with my c-section and returning back to work, but I am doing fine with both of those things.

At last night's meeting we went over ways to cope during the holidays. Good thing because the drama has already begun. Seriously, sometimes I wonder how everyone feels so comfortable talking to my mom and how she's so nice to everyone, but when it comes to her kids she is a very manipulative communicator and doesn't respect when you ask her to keep things private. 

In November I decided that I wouldn't be going to my parents' house for Christmas because Jose isn't allowed to come. I wrote myself a note in my phone with my reasoning because I knew eventually I'd have to tell my mom and the guilt would kill me. I was hoping that somehow I'd be able to last minute tell her, "sorry, can't make it," but of course she plans things in advance and I didn't want to leave her hanging if she asked me to bring something. 

This morning she sent out a group message on Facebook asking who would like to participate in a gift exchange on Christmas morning. I wrote her in a separate message saying, "count me out." I have a new baby and a new little family that I want to nourish and grow. I let her know that we wouldn't be coming on Christmas morning because I want to start my own traditions with my family and splitting us up is not a tradition I want for my son. I can just imagine how fucked up it would be to take my son and leave my husband alone on Christmas. I've chosen my family over him too many times and I won't do it anymore. It's not nice, it's not fair. 

I had a moment of hope that she'd understand, but of course not. She wrote me back several nasty messages, like always, saying she's done the best she can and it's not ever good enough and that she'll be out of my life forever and wants nothing to do with us. She lays on the guilt really heavy. Then she sent a group message out with capital letters saying that all Christmas plans are canceled. 

I didn't even reply back because I'm not having a keyboard war with her. I stand firm with my decision. I was thinking today how uncomfortable Christmas was last year and I don't need to feel that again. People don't realize that you're not the same person you were yesterday or one or two years ago. I'm a different, better person and this is my life. I don't want to spend it doing things out of obligation or guilt. 

No comments:

Post a Comment